How can attachment affect people’s lives? We do come across adults in our daily live who we find irritating and at sometimes very difficult to understand. They could be bossy destructive or controlling type where it gets irritating. They also could be withdrawn and clinging which could make it difficult to understand them. Have we ever thought why these adults behave so?
We do see such examples in kids also? While most of the kids are trouble free and grow up to be modern adults, why do some stand out like an absolute nightmare? When kids are their own itself, they face such challenges. Thought about the ones which are fostered or adopted? Poor behavior when as a kid can lead to serious problems when they grow up to an adult.
Are we going to see some jack-in-the-box provide knee jerk and uninformed opinions? Or are we going to analyse and act? One of the reasons which stand out is attachment issues.
A baby relies on its parents totally when it is born. Nappy / Warmth / Cuddle / Food every step it takes it expects its parents to be there and support. The first 2 years are very important for the parents to establish a strong bond with their children. This is the foundation of emotional attachment. These 2 years will build the very foundation of social behavior which will be carried out throughout the life.
But in this world there are children who live in circumstances where basic bonding and attachment could be a challenge. Parental Bereavement, Hospitalization, Divorce or if the parents are away working could lead to attachment issues with kids. But this is not the cast in stone rule. Even families where all the above complications do not exist could have kids with attachment issues.
Alcohol consumption, Drug abuse, constant absence and setting a poor role model are some of the issues which could cause attachment issues. Even bad treatment could cause attachment issues. Kids need care and attention but if they get treated badly they will tend to loose attachment. Cuddle them, avoid physical punishment, do not shout at them, do not deprive them of food, allow play time on a daily basis. If not it leads to lack of attachment, which makes the kid stressed unhappy and at times violent. Poor behavior is the end result.
With all this background the foster carer’s life is a challenge. Basic expectations have been shattered for some kids and they have attachment issues. The foster parents need to break this stigma. Lack of confidence and respect can lead to a child grow into an adult with attachment issues which leads even to anti social personality disorder.
Always put yourself in the child’s position and think – ‘What will make them feel good about themselves?’